LOW CAL FOREVER!!!


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Ok, right off the top let’s just say I’m an EFFing Liar.  Straight and simple…  Ok, maybe I’m simple (but we all know I’m not straight).

What am i getting at?  Well, given the way today started, the “low cal forever” title would kinda seem unlikely.  Why is that?  Because my daily intake started in a “toronto’s best” french restaurant, and no, it wasn’t a low calorie joint.  It was the best of times it was the worst of times….  That’s how the story should start.  When Todd and I arrived at 11:20, there had already been a little drama.  Thanks to a very “unhelpful” waiter our group was not given the reception we had expected.  In stead of being given a comfortable seating area for the 9 of us, we were told that a group our size could not be accommodated (despite the empty tables).  Did I mention that the first of our group arrived at 11:10 when the restaurant opened at 11:00 simply because they were not taking reservations for brunch?  Yeah.  We had made plans.  it wasn’t a haphazard thing.

Thanks to an amazing woman and friend, we did finally get seated together at two bar tables in the front bar area.  I wasn’t there to witness the carnage, but I do know her well enough to know that it couldn’t have been pretty….  I managed to arrive post drama (imagine that, ME missing DRAMA!) joined my group and immediately ordered a pulled pork eggs benny.  Yup  I EASILY found the lowest cal item on the menu right?  LMFAO!!!

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Toronto Christmas Market at The Distillery District

Of course, since I had missed he initial drama, there had to be more.  That’s when my brunch arrived.  My soft poached eggs?  Well, not so much.  So.  being in Toronto’s “best” french restaurant, I felt obliged to send them back.  I had a brief moment of feeling like a bitchy queen, but in reality, let’s be honest, a $25 breakfast shouldn’t have to be “endured” it should be ENJOYED!!!  (maybe I had built up an 20111224-distillery“expectation” of what this brunch was going to be…..  but lets call a spade a spade shall we?   After driving 45 minutes, fighting to find parking (which cost $15) the having to pay $5 each for Todd and I to get onto the distillery district Christmas market, and then $25 or my breakfast and $30 for Todd’s (apparently that second coffee was killer!).  so if I were the type to keep a running total (which obviously I am) that would be $80  for brunch.

Oh.  did I mention… the second attempt at eggs benny was worse than the first.  Instead of being just SLIGHTLY overcooked, they were a HARD poach.  Yup.. I sent it back for a second time.  Thankfully the third time was the charm, and the eggs Benny came out of the kitchen cooked the way it was intended to be.  YAY!!!

So I have a question for you all….   In that scenario….   Just how much of a bitch was I??  I mean on a scale of the Virgin Mary to Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada….   How bad a person am I??? 😳

15220408100_5e59c6dbe5_oOf course, as I ate my meal, my friends who had previously been to this wonderful establishment began to tell me how beautiful the “main restaurant” was.  That’s when I realized that I was seated in the “cafe” type section in front of the bar.  I had barely made it in the front door.  After a little walk about, where I got to see the white cararra cluny-toronto-restaurant-09marble oyster bar, stunning decor…. and all of the decor was STUNNING….   I realized that the cute “little” restaurant I was in was really only the anteroom to something far better that I was not permitted to enter.

 

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Then the bill came.  Yeah.  The bill came.  Funny though.  despite the problems encountered, there it was, the bill.  Complete and unaltered.  As though the entire scenario had gone as planned.  Perfectly like clockwork.  Yup  a perfectly intact bill for a wonderfully executed meal.  For a brief second I again began to feel like a dramatic queen.  I had a moment where I questioned if the world had shifted sideways….  because in the universe that I know of, when you make an error (twice) on a $40 breakfast (yup I’m gonna include the costs of print and market entry here just to be a complete BITCH) you make amends to your customer by ACKNOWLEDGING your error…..  You know…  by comping something…..   Maybe NOT charging for the item you HAD TO MAKE THREE TIMES to get right?  Or at least a cup of coffee????  (I mean THAT wouldn’t even take any effort would it?)  But instead of giving in to that feeling I paid the bill, and then enjoyed the Christmas market before heading home to Brampton to enjoy a very wonderful “low cal” dinner that attempted to balance the hollandaise sauce that had been brunch.

What kind of wonderful meal could do that you ask?  Well  it was all based around a very new ingredient I had found.  Seaweed Noodles!!!  And that’s where the LOW CAL FOREVER title comes from.  Todd and I have found a noodle that is as guilt free as anything you could ever possibly find.   Let’s just be honest here.  We all like noodles.  Egg based pasta noodles, rice noodles, I mean even Spatzle…..  but NONE OF THEM ARE LOW CAL!!!!!  They are the devil’s playground when it comes to carbs and calories!!!!!  That’s why I LOVE this new find!!!

NOODLES FOR ONLY 6 (yes i said SIX) calories per serving!!!!!!!  I’m gonna stop typing right now and show you a pic of the bag of noodles…..   committee this to memory folks…..  ‘cuz this is a game changer!!!!

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This package (453G) holds 4 servings (113g each) at 6 calories a serving.  Damn…..   go ahead….   EAT ALL THE NOODLES!!!!!  It’s STILL only 24 calories!!!!  TWENTY FOUR EFFING CALORIES for a POUND of noodles!!!!!

Well  you know that it wasn’t as simply as a bag of noodles though right?  We had to do a thing or two to them…..  So  in simplest terms… take some broth put it in a pot and bring it to a boil.  Add noodles.  Allow to cook for a few minutes (did the package say 10 minutes???  It might have…..  I don’t remember…..)  Places some steamed broccoli in a bowl, add some steamed shrimp.  Pour hot broth and noodles into bowl.  Season to taste.  Practically instant meal.  Low calories.  And STILL amazingly delicious!!!!  Low Cal Forever folks!!!  Low Cal Forever!!!!

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Imagine that?  A SATISFYING dinner for only 218 calories!!!!  Happy eating!!!!

Thanks For Reading!!!

Duane

 

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