Divorce Ain’t Easy……

So.  Life was great.  In the last year I have:

  1.  lost 55 pounds
  2. married the man of my dreams
  3. honeymooned in DominicanRepublic
  4. went from temp full-time back to my part time position at work (and my agency gig so I got to see all my buddies again)
  5. did I mention I lost 55 pounds????

Yeah.  so.  If you’ve read the blog before you might have figured out that even though I have a wonderful husband, I have still been open to other relationships……  like the one I had with my fitbit.  Yeah.  Well THAT is over!!!!  He may have counted my steps, recorded my heart rate, given me extra calories when I was active, and even sat and starred at me while I slept (like some creepy stalker), but I’m over him.  We are through.  It was great while it lasted, and he did help me reach my goal.  But he lives with someone else now.  Hopefully they are happy together.  I mean I don’t wish him any ill will….I want him to be happy.  BUT I don’t want anyone else to enjoy the superior customer service that I received from fitbit.  I don’t want them to have MORE success with him than I had.  I don’t want them wearing my buddy on their wrist……  Is that wrong of me???

Of course, maybe I should have thought that through before I replaced my fitbit with an apple watch.  Yeah.  You heard me.  I replaced my fitbit.  My trusty friend.  So, here I am now trying to learn a new device.  I know what you are thinking…..  “Hey, Duane’s a HUGE apple fan…..    he must be LOVING this!!!!”  Ok, Ok, you aren’t far from the truth….  I DO love apple shit.  And let’s be honest…. there are some things about the apple watch I love.  I LOVE confusing the Timmies Drive through girl when I reach my hand out the window to have them scan my watch face to pay for my purchase!!!  I adore the fact that I don’t have to TAP my advice to see the time.  Just raise your arm and there it is!!!  And the fact that I can change the band to match my mood is awesome as well.

BUT funny as this sounds…..  I kinda miss my fitbit.  He was with me when I was fat.  He didn’t judge me.  He actually put up with me when I was moody and irritable in the middle of all that weight loss thing….   and then what did I do?  I threw him over for the newer shinier classier guy.  What the hell was I thinking???  Is this always the way this thing goes?  So, here I am.  I have the shiny “trophy husband” apple watch but sometimes…. every once in awhile….. I miss my more “basic” love….

 Could it be because  my new guy is so high maintenance?   I mean, I DID expect that the more handsome trophy guy would come with his own issues….  after all there is that hot/crazy quotient that is always talked about.  Could it be that simply walking a bit during work isn’t enough for him, that he expects me to ACTUALLY be present, instead of just “phoning it in”?.  No, now I don’t get extra activity calories back just for being me… no…NO…  now i have to WORK for it.  Its been over a week.

here’s the frustration I faced yesterday…. ARGGHHHHHH!!!!!! Just FUCK OFF OK????

The apple phone fitness app set me a “calorie goal” of 890 calories.  Under my fitbit regimen I could CRUSH that.  Without thinking…..  but over  a week in…..  yeah.  no.  haven’t broken it yet.  Even tonight.  I was having an awesome day.  21,595 steps.  127 active minutes.  17.68 km walked.  With those numbers my fitbit woulda given me 60million extra calories.  YES SIXTY MILLION!!!!  What did my apple watch give me???  A FAILING GRADE!!!!!  yup.  I was 7 calories short of my goal of 890.  That silly little circular icon on the face of my watch LOOKS like the ends are touching.  And I did spend the last 10 minutes before midnight circling and circling and circling in the parking garage before I climbed into my car to drive home after work.  I “mapped my walk” to keep track, so I’d know when I reached my goal (it calculates calories burned too…).  I started my manic walking fit with only 105 calories to reach my apple watch “MOVE goal.”  I mapped three bursts of activity on “map my walk” for a total of just OVER 150 calories.  BUT that apple watch?  It would not have any of it.  Not at all.  7 damn calories short……..  SEVEN!!!!!  So right now I hate this high maintenance bitch called the apple watch.

FITBIT  I miss you.  I loved you before.  I could love you again (I think).  Don’t leave me this way……..

All I have to say at this point is…..  think before you leap.  Don’t let nice graphics, and smooth design and classic good looks distract you.  sometimes that “multicolour swirl” is just the harbinger of ruined dreams.  Heed my tale of warning……..


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