Ok, I think that this is timing at it’s most interesting, since I mention a guy in this blog who has since become a convicted felon, but in all honesty, this post was written (and supposed to be scheduled for posting) long before all that developed. In fact, when you read it you will realize that it was written in mid to late July 2015 (since at the time of writing Todd and I had not yet gotten married). Normally I would take a blog post like this, change some of the wording to make it present tense, and just post it without letting you guys know that I was a terrible human being who had sat on the post for weeks before I uploaded it to the blog. Thanks to timing and pop culture I don’t think I can do that with this post…. so looks like I’ve been caught……
Last night, Todd and I did something that recently we have allowed ourselves to do ever so occasionally. We let ourselves be lazy. Well, let’s be honest and up front and call a spade a spade. There’s no way in this world anyone could ever use that term for Todd. He’s the one that always makes ME look like I should get up off my ass and clean something, so don’t even think you can stir up some “marital strife” the week before we get married now ok?? LOLOL. What I’m trying to say here is that after an evening of running around doing errands and trying to get things done for this impending wedding (Aug 1, 2015 is fast approaching!!), we made the executive decision to eat take out. Yeah. I know, I know. That’s not earth shattering new is it?
Of course, we did our usual due diligence and went to a “restaurant” which we knew would meet our “calorie counting” needs. That meant a trip to SUBWAY. Over the last while, when we do eat out it seems we gravitate to Subway more and more. I know everyone knows by this point that Jared Fogle lost a “shit tonne” (medical term course) of weight by eating at Subway, so you probably aren’t surprised that we occasionally eat there. I will say that I can always find an option for a meal that’s less than 400 calories when needed. Last night was a little different though. Since it was dinner, and I had eaten little all day, I had some extra calories left and I could “splurge” a little. So, It was a FOOTLONG Subway Club sandwich for me!!!
As the sandwich artist was completing my masterpiece, I decided that I would do something I haven’t done in quite some time, and add a little mayonnaise to my sandwich. LITE mayonnaise. JUST A LITTLE. Even light mayonnaise is 50 calories a tablespoon!!! So some restraint was in order!! Of course, the sandwich artist isn’t watching his calories. And he doesn’t care one little bit… so in his mind? Yeah… a 5 gallon bucket is “a little” mayonnaise. I couldn’t stop him. He loaded my sandwich… it was like mayonnaise was the elixir of life and he was trying to save me from clear and impending death!!! (I think we could have saved an entire village with that amount!!!). I managed to stop him from emptying THE ENTIRE CONTAINER of white
almost goodness on my sandwich, but not by much. (In truth it was probably 3 tablespoons and 150 calories).
As we sat down to eat, I had a brilliant idea for a new product. I think I’m going to share the idea with Subway, and see how much value they think it would add to their organization. Just consider me an “External Consultant” my fee is reasonable…. (just free food for life is all). The idea is simple. Just like when you go out to a bar and they have the pourer on the bottle that measures the bartender’s pour. Subway needs a device added to their sauce bottles. One that dispenses set amounts of sauce. Either that or a “dispensing gun” (you know, like Taco Bell uses for guacamole) that would allow a person to specify how much sauce they desired, and also be able to know the calorie count of their meal. Given that Subway spends great amount of time and energy hyping their “healthy” menu, and ability to allow people to eat from their menu and loose weight, this would only make sense. (And I’m not even attacking this from as business perspective of being able to predict and control their food costs… that’s just an added bonus!!!).
I really Just think that this makes so much sense. Such a device might even allow me confidence enough to try some of the other sauces they offer on occasions when I have some extra calories and want a treat but am afraid of just how badly the sandwich artist might hijack my calorie counting efforts. Living in fear of the numbers is not an enjoyable way to pass the time from my perspective, and it would be wonderful if organizations could help minimize my anxiety in that regard…. Then again, maybe I’m just unusual, and the rest of the world likes having no control or idea about what they eat on a regular basis…. really what do I know???
Thanks for listening to my rant….
Ok Doctor’s Associates Inc…..where’s MY subway black card? I’m waiting!!!