Guilty and Re-charged

Duane and I went out to dinner with friends tonight.  Yes, 9 guys and one female friend.  We basically took over our local sushi joint.  It has been far too long since we had all gotten together socially as group, so it was a special evening, and one that I enjoyed immensely.  It is always a good experience to spend time with friends you care about, and tonight was no exception.

As any of you who have read Duane’s earlier posts today would already know, this outing came with a deal of sorts.  We decided that today would be a “free” day….Calorie counting free.. I mean there is some “research” (I haven’t fully studied it to know if the results have been validated or not however) that indicates intermittent “cheat” days might improve compliance with overall longterm diet restrictions and/or that occasional “cheat” days actually can help BOOST your metabolism.  So it was determined that TODAY we would try it.  (I still think Duane just simply couldn’t deal with the fact that he’d be surrounded by FREE FOOD all day at his conference and took the easy way out, but I will never say that out loud).  But if you know me.. Then you know I still counted…

Now, just having returned home from that wonderful meal, with the sounds of my friends voices still fresh in my head I just began add it to my daily calorie log. I wish I hadn’t 😒.  That’s just the honest moment I find myself in right now.   The guilt of care free intake is not worth it. I’ve come such a long way in such a short time with my weight loss. I’m proud to say I’ve dropped 61 pounds in less than 6 months so I know what I’m doing has been effective. Despite the different articles I’ve read, and things that friends and others have said, about how having a “cheat day” once in a while is a good thing, I have firmly decided to disagree.

This is the first time since our trip to Mexico this past February, that I just ate, and tried not to think about it..  Far from feeling like this was a positive experience, I feel horrible right now…  Aside from the great company, tonight was a “loosing moment” for me.  The sensation of knowing what I have just put into my body does not seem to coexist well with the new reality inside my head.  “Cheating” on my diet calorie plan really feels more like cheating on me.  On my progress.  It feels like I’ve turned my back on what I’ve accomplished as though it is insignificant.  That doesn’t add any value to my journey at all right now, so it has to stop.  I don’t think that “cheating” on my eating plan was beneficial.  I’m going to stick to my own original rules.. Nothing is off the table, but caloric intake stops at my set number, for now at least. If I have learned anything at all over the last few months it is that this forces me to make better, healthy choices that keep me nourished, full and satisfied.

Once I reach my target weight then going on a “maintenance” caloric intake should be much easier for me, especially if I haven’t been giving my body ongoing reminders of “how things used to be.”  As my “new normal” eating habits will have already been embedded in my brain.  This is my theory at least.

I can’t possibly end this post without telling you just how astonishing I find it to see how quickly calories add up when you go out to eat.  Even when you think “chicken.. I’ll have that. It’s good for me. It’s low calorie.. I make it at home” you have to STOP and catch yourself.  Wrong!!  When you don’t control the oils and additional things added to create the desired flavours, especially things like sauces, you loose control of the calories very quickly.  Try it looking up the nutritional information on all the things you eat…  Even for just a few days.. It’s eye opening I tell you!  You may have difficulty believing what you discover.

Now it’s time for bed.  Feeling guilt ridden and bloated from the massive amounts of salt I’ve consumed that haven’t been in my diet as of late…  I feel completely defeated but also want to remain accountable to those of you who follow the blog.  So to answer the question that I am sure you have on your mind…  Just how many calories did the “all you can eat” sushi dinner contain?  For a nice round number, the best I can tell?  2100.  Yup, 2100.  Trust me, it wasn’t six plates of food either.  I stopped short of where I would have in the past.  Even while I was choosing to avoid higher calorie things that were on the menu, this one meal EASILY hit 2100 calories.  My daily limit to maintain this needed weight loss path is only 1680.  I think you can see why I don’t want to see any more “cheat” days for quite some time!

As I settle down to enjoy a glass of red wine before bed I feel anxious to start tomorrow, back on my regime, with today behind me and a refreshed focus.

Good night all….


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